


Lost

by seoulfulnights



Series: HWH Summer Bingo [5]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - All In (Music Video), HWHbingo, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Triangles, M/M, Mild Smut, Non-Graphic Violence, Secret Relationship, surrealism elements regarding the blue flowers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 20:24:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11676435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seoulfulnights/pseuds/seoulfulnights
Summary: Caught between the oppressive regime and the X Clan, Hyungwon and Wonho keep being separated by the Republic or their friends who are unaware of what's going on between the two of them. When Hyungwon's father takes his boyfriend away, Wonho tries to convince himself it's only temporary. Still, the blond can’t help but wonder why he feels like it’s the last time he’ll ever see Hyungwon again.All In AU with a twist.





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Entry for HWH Bingo - Secret relationship prompt
> 
> I've wanted to write a story placed in the All in AU even before I started writing on here, so here is the first part of the trilogy.

It happened overnight. Hyungwon has brief memories of a time when he was a child, when he and Minhyuk would stay up late in the park and play until their knees were scraped raw and they’d pass out from how tired they were. Then, the new regime took over. He can’t remember exactly the true reason why the commander of the army planned the president’s execution, but he appeared soon after on all televisions claiming he had just saved the people. Proclaiming the beginning of the _Republic_ , a new glorious state made _for_ and _with_ the people. And, of course, he was their ultimate savior. 

All history has been erased since then, an old law of rewriting the truth leading to libraries being closed down if not even burned to the grounds. Education was censored drastically, but by now nobody remembers a time when it wasn’t. When the facts written in books weren’t biased lies meant to glorify their almighty _Leader_. Soon, going to school became a luxury that many dismissed unless they wanted to join the system and help their Commander to achieve great progress.

There have been riots and bloody ones at that, Hyungwon remembers how Minhyuk hid in his house after his father was arrested on suspicion of high treason against the regime. No letter declaring Mr. Lee’s death arrived but the boys knew it was pointless to hope for him to ever return after a few years passed. Hyungwon’s own father, however, completely fell in love with the ideology of the Republic and was one of the first new recruits. Now, almost two decades later, he is a prominent figure in their district, one of Commander’s most trusted men.

The Republic promised glory and wealth, it promised a brighter future in which people did not know the meaning of famine or sadness or shame. If it weren’t for Minhyuk, Hyungwon would have believed all these atrocious lies, growing up the way he had. But he didn’t wear a thick blindfold like his parents did, he could clearly see the damage the Republic left on people once his blond best friend introduced him to the other five. Once the _X Clan_ was born.

 

_***_

 

The moon has long since raised upon the cloudless sky while Hyungwon watches from the window of his bedroom how the guards patrol around his house. His father has just reached home from his job among _Leader’s commanders,_ the highest rank one could wish for in the Republic, as he keeps reminding Hyungwon every single day in case he forgot – he didn’t, he can’t. And since his old man grows more paranoid by day, he also brought in with him even more filthy dogs to supervise the perimeter. The black haired boy cusses under his breath, his heart stuck somewhere in his throat as he looks after a shadowy figure trying to sneak in.

But it’s pitch black in the back garden and there’s no chance to catch sight of any blond head as much as he squints his eyes. The crazy rhythm in which his heart beats echoes through his ears as he waits sitting on needles for his lover to show up, eyes shifting from the view of the garden to his unlocked door. There have been too many fights with his father regarding privacy and they all lead to the same conclusion: as long as Hyungwon lives under this roof, there will be none.  Luckily, he already talked with his father before retreating to his room, assuring that the elder won’t bother him later on by acting completely normal and trying not to give the governor’s man any reasons of suspicion.

“If you keep behaving, you might be lucky enough to get a position next to your old man,” his father proclaimed at dinner earlier that night, making his mother squeal in delight. Surely, for them there was no higher reward than being part of the system. Hyungwon only offered them an ironic smile, careful not to be overly rude.

Things have been going smoothly lately and the _Clan_ slowly started to achieve small victories. Some weapons stolen from here, some food given to the poor there. If his father found out what his son has been doing recently against the system he dedicated more than half of his life to, he’d either have a heart attack on the spot or live enough to kill Hyungwon with his bare hands. 

Lost in his thoughts, Hyungwon doesn’t notice the new figure approaching him, climbing up to his window until he’s face to face with a pair of black smoldering eyes and a bright grin. The guy pushes past him quickly, before any of the guards can see him. “Any special occasion tonight? There are twice as many,” comes a whisper from the blond as he wraps his arms around Hyungwon’s middle, pulling the younger closer to him. 

Hyungwon pushes him away from the window though, least one of the black troops sees the intruder and decides to shoot him on the spot. Only after the drapes are pulled to hide away his room does he let the other hold him close again. “Be more careful, hyung…” the younger whispers as the blond presses feverish kisses along his cheek and jaw, slowly making his way to plush lips. A sigh of content escapes him as the other coerces his mouth open for a slow but deep kiss. 

His fingers tangle in the mess of blond locks, pulling at them with enough pressure to make his lover groan against his lips. The intruder starts backing Hyungwon towards the bed in the middle of the room, his hands wandering freely all over his beloved’s body. Hyungwon leaves out a breathy laugh, trying his best to keep his voice hushed, “You’re impatient tonight, Wonho.” 

Wonho, as the man’s name is revealed, grins against Hyungwon’s lips diving in for another hungry kiss as soon as the black haired’s shins hit the bed linen and he falls on his back, the older following suit and trapping him under his muscular body. “I’ve missed my baby too much. I haven’t seen you the whole week.”

The younger boy scoffs at such words, despite a pretty flush crawling up his cheeks and the slender neck Wonho focuses his attention on right now with small licks and bites, careful not to leave any visible marks – they have slipped once and were it not for it being winter and Hyungwon owning a ridiculous amount of turtleneck shirts, they might have been in a lot of trouble. And not only because of Hyungwon’s father.

“Baby, let’s tell the others,” Wonho urges as he takes off Hyungwon’s shirt, his fingers gentle across the soft skin. It might look like he’s lovingly caressing the younger’s abdomen and chest, but in reality, he’s looking for any new bruises. The relieved sigh that he’s about to let out is caught in another kiss as Hyungwon devours his mouth. It’s a ploy to make Wonho forget about his suggestion, but the blond is persistent in everything he does, from carrying out difficult tasks for the X Clan to loving Hyungwon to the moon and back. “We have to let them know, Hyungwon. Minhyuk  – “

“Do you really wanna talk about Minhyuk while we’re in bed, Wonho?” Hyungwon asks, voice dropped to a seductive lower pitch, while his long legs wrap around the older’s waist. Whatever he’s doing, it’s working perfectly as the blond changes his goal from getting Hyungwon to have a serious talk about their relationship to getting Hyungwon to cum as many times as he can. Keeping quiet during sex is, sadly, a necessary art they’ve learned to master, though the few times they’ve been able to express their feelings freely without any concerns of getting caught are clearly engraved in Wonho’s memory.

The blond moves quickly in undressing both of them while Hyungwon gets from under the mattress a tube of lube – acquired off the black market courtesy of Jooheon. What they’re doing right now is not dangerous only because Wonho has a faceless warrant with his name on it, among the rest of the known X Clan members while Hyungwon’s father has a high up position. 

Homosexuality is strictly illegal on the basis of being unproductive for the Republic, which needed heroine mothers and an ascending demographic trend. Actually, soon after the coup d’etat, sexual relations between persons of the same sex have been deemed punishable by imprisonment. Thus, lubricants and any kind of protection have also been deemed illegal on the basis of promoting a lifestyle incompatible with the Republic’s view.

Wonho, however, cared for one view only: Hyungwon with his long legs spread wide open for him as his own fingers bury themselves repeatedly into his warmth. He’s been addicted to the little sounds that still escape his lover despite his best of efforts, to the way Hyungwon bites at his lower lip to in an attempt to keep quiet, how his eyes roll to the back of his head whenever Wonho touches him just _right_.

If they had the whole night, if they were safe when the light of day discovered them tangled in bed, then the older rebel would take his time to unravel all the things that make the black haired tremble under his touch. But alas, they have to hurry this night again. 

The feeling of being joined once more with his other half doesn’t compare with anything the delphinium flowers could ever bring, all imaginable pleasures pale when faced with having Hyungwon in his arms, begging him to go faster, to have his way with him, to make him see white behind his eyelids. But Wonho can hear the unspoken request behind those words, he understands Hyungwon’s wish to be treasured and protected. And just like he swore to defend the X Clan, he also swore to keep his lover safe for the rest of their lives. 

“A-ah, hyung,” Hyungwon mewls, his back arching off the bed as Wonho keeps fucking him into the mattress just like the Commander’s son wished for. His legs are wrapped securely around his boyfriend’s waist while his nails scratch at the expense of the broad back like a kitten sharpening its claws. Wonho hisses at the biting burn but retorts by applying more pressure on Hyungwon’s hips, imprinting the reminder of their intercourse on pale skin, and nibbling on one inviting collarbone until it turns the color of dawn. The younger has had more than enough bruises to last him a life time, but Wonho can’t help marking him as _his_ in spite of the consequences this might bring. 

Their actions come to a halt when they hear footsteps in the hallway and the sound of doors being slammed open followed by the Chae patriarch’s booming voice. “Find the intruder or you’re all going to the sweat box for incompetence!” Wonho’s body becomes one of concrete as all his muscles freeze and turn taut, white knuckles gripping the sheets above Hyungwon’s head. The door handle starts rattling and he tries to pull away from his lover, but the black haired keeps him in place by clinging onto him. “Who allowed you to disturb my son’s sleep? Move your asses and patrol the area,” they hear again the Commander’s unforgiving voice, and the rattling is replaced by footsteps clearing away. 

Hyungwon suddenly lets out a high pitched keen and spills between their chests, the threat of being caught postponing his impending orgasm until he couldn’t hold it in anymore. Wonho blinks repeatedly looking much like a confused bunny, he’s completely taken aback by the younger’s sudden reaction. He doesn’t have time to question if finding himself on the edge of being discovered turned Hyungwon on even more with his own release being pulled out of him so sweetly by the abrupt tightens that engorges him. 

Slowly, the blond steps back into the cold room filled with their uneven breaths and the heavy smell of sex to admire the way Hyungwon’s short hair frames his perfect face.  By now he knows the bedroom well enough to go fetch a towel to clean themselves up before climbing back into bed.

Once their carnal needs are sated, Hyungwon settles his head on top of his lover’s hard chest and almost drifts off to sleep from the pleasant sound of Wonho’s heartbeat and the feeling of gentle fingers cradling through his hair. “I love you,” the blond presses a soft kiss on his temple and the younger tries not to purr like a kitten basking in the affection. He has missed Wonho so much for the past days, when his father made sure he spends every breathing moment locked away in one of the government's buildings, following him around at meetings.

But as repugnant as the job was, it gave the Clan great insight into the governor’s immoral arrangements. Speaking of which, “We should get dressed.” He mumbles, face still buried in Wonho’s chest and breathing in deeply his soothing scent. A strong arm holds him in place unable to move, however. He wants to part from his soft bed (and Wonho’s naked body) just as much as his lover, but they can’t afford any selfish moments in the present. Maybe, when all this is done, if the Republic falls, then maybe – 

Nevertheless, such thoughts are a silly thing to dwell on right now, impossible to bring into reality. With an annoyed huff, Hyungwon retorts to pinching the other’s nipple and effectively breaks free from the cage the blond tried to keep him in. He completely avoids looking into those caring eyes, lest he actually gives in to the upcoming pleads. Instead, he gets up and starts getting dressed. “You know we gotta meet Jooheon and the rest in the greenhouse.” 

Wonho doesn’t move at all, just rests his head in his palm and watches Hyungwon as the lanky boy picks up the discarded clothes from the floor. “Do we really, tho? We could just stay here. Say you couldn’t get past your father.” He tries his damn best to tempt Hyungwon back under the covers by letting the thin sheet covering his naked body to slip down to his lap and expose his well-built frame. 

A smirk grows on his face when he notices the black haired’s blush that spreads down to his slender neck. How he’d like to cover it all up in marks for the others to see, for everyone to know that Hyungwon only belonged to him. Not to the X Clan or the Chae household, even less to the Republic, he is Wonho’s only.

“And what would your excuse be?” comes the fast and witty retort as the rags that the blond uses as clothes get thrown in his direction. Hyungwon keeps stubbornly avoiding eye contact as he finds himself busy monitoring the sentinels patrolling around the garden behind the house. He counts their steps carefully, searching for the perfect opportunity to sneak out. His mental calculations get disrupted when, once again, there are arms wrapped around his middle and lips pressed against his skin.

“Can’t I just say I was with my boyfriend?” The soft whisper brings goosebumps on the younger’s neck, but – always the rational one between the two of them, Hyungwon tries to push the other away with a stern voice and no honorific. “Wonho…”

“Come on, Wonnie,” the nickname slips off easily as the older nuzzles Hyungwon and presses a sneaky kiss behind his ear. “We already have to hide from everyone. At least with them, let’s be sincere…” he tries to justify only for his arguments to fall on deaf ears. They’ve had this discussion a thousand and one times since they gave in to their feelings for each other and started to act upon them with gentle kisses and not so pure touches that linger on for days. 

With great self-restraint, the youngest Chae sighs and quietly promises, “...After the next mission, okay?” Despite not being able to look at Wonho’s face, he already knows there’s a scrunch on top of his nose bridge and his lips are pulled into a distasteful scowl. Hyungwon, according to his birth date, is a Capricorn, Wonho knows that. He also knows that the sign’s mascot is a goat, a very stubborn and at times conservative goat. And while his own sign is represented by a pair of harmonious fish, he can take those stiff horns head on no problem. 

“You said that last time as well. What are you scared of?” His voice raises up more than intended and they both duck behind the curtain when one of the guards turns his head towards Hyungwon’s window. This careless move earns the blond a glare from his lover, but at this point, he’s more concerned about their own problems rather than getting caught. He’s been a patient man. 

For months on end he waited and waited, always the one to act first and deepen their relationship by confessing first, initiating their first kiss, trying to get a label on what they _actually_ are, even saying those three words first (Hyungwon replied to them only weeks later, when they were cuddled up close after some intense love making). Still, something poked at his mind not giving him rest. “Or, perhaps you’re ashamed of us? Ashamed of me?” 

Hyungwon replies immediately by shoving Wonho off of him and gripping the front of his ripped shirt. In a second he is all up in the blond’s face, his own slightly red from anger while his gaze seems to have caught fire. “That’s not it!” he almost shouts to the older, but it comes out more like a strangled hiss, his ration stopping him even now from acting carelessly when there’s so much at risk. 

Wonho tries to put on a blank mask, something very unfitting for his emphatic persona, yet it seems to make the other panic a little and give him the needed push to express his actual thoughts on the issue. “It’s just…” there’s hesitation in his voice and Wonho raises an eyebrow, daring Hyungwon to go on. “I don’t wanna hurt Minhyuk.” He’s speaking barely above a whisper while his eyes are cast down low, bringing a bitter ironic smirk on Wonho’s face that quickly turns into a scowl. 

“I can’t hear it anymore! It’s always about Minhyuk. Every single time you walk all over _my_ feeling because you’re afraid his little heart will break.” The blond’s hands come up to rest upon the ones still gripping at his tank top and slowly pulls them off before taking a step back and putting some distance between him and Hyungwon. “The more you hide it from him, the worse it’ll end,” he reasons coldly, his gaze hardening as he sees the younger’s lip trembling. He doesn’t intend to snap but he’s tired of this, of their current situation, of always being pushed into the shadows and forced to hide. He’s doing enough of that thanks to the oh so wonderful Republic. 

All he wishes for is to have this breath of fresh air, to be able to hold Hyungwon close even when their friends are around. So he blames his cynicism on all these pent up frustrations. “Or, do you hope we’ll break up before he discovers about us, hm?” 

The sound of shattering glass comes from outside, but it might as well just come from within Hyungwon’s heart, those blunt words stabbing his blood organ with every letter. Breaking up, giving up on what he and Wonho had, it has never crossed his mind even for a second, not even when he foolishly considered resigning and leaving the X Clan as his underground espionage job became more and more dangerous. 

He’s speechless, unable to come up with one single response to such accusation and Wonho misunderstands his silence easily. “Fine then,” is the last thing the blond says before jumping out the window and leaving the mansion’s perimeter the way he came.

 

_***_

 

The greenhouse looks completely abandoned from the outside, being covered by an eerily thick layer of smoke and mystery. Somehow the black troops of the Supreme Leader never bothered to check it, nor did they pay it any mind whatsoever. If only one dared to enter through the broken glass door and search deep through the confusing corridors, he’d find a never ending field of delphinium flowers. 

That’s a very strange occurrence considering flowers, along with sweets and toys, and other soft presents that could be used as indulgence means or bribery have been classified as illegal a couple of years ago by the Leader himself. Some say he was just sick of his pollen allergies and wanted to get rid of the source of his distress (those few have since been executed or incarcerated). 

Jooheon was the first to discover the greenhouse, wild flowers creeping up through the cracked floor. (How this boy appeared in their lives remains a complete mystery, he just materialized out of thin air some time ago and brought all of them together to this place). It soon became their headquarters of sorts, a refuge from the outside world. It was almost livable and they often came here on their own when they searched for a safe place. But every now and then, things would get more serious as Jooheon summons a meeting to discuss their future plans, their emancipation from the totalitarian regime. 

Wonho always thought that’s more of a pretext. Don’t get him wrong, he wishes for the X Clan to succeed just as much as the others, to take over their home again and save it from the barbarian dogs that invaded it so long ago. But when he put away the idealistic enthusiasm, his bravado shrunk significantly. There was little to no real chance of them ever coming out alive if they plunge into an attack, and that is not something he can deal with. Not again. 

All his blood relatives have died many years ago, not long before the 10th anniversary of the Republic. He was but a kid back then and forced right into finding means to support himself, it was only sheer luck that the town’s blacksmith took him in as an apprentice and left him the forge after his death. Everyone around him died, he had absolutely no one. And then Jooheon approached him and told him about this place, about this wonderful dream filled with freedom and love, and most of all about _a family_. 

This is what the X Clan really represents, they’re all brothers willing to risk their lives for one another. He has no doubt the others see it the same. The blond manages to arrive pretty early in the end when there’s only Jooheon mixing up the blue goo of the flowers and some other ingredients whose names he never quite succeeded to memorize. At first, Wonho had doubts about the whole delphinium ordeal – eating flowers was not something he was comfortable with even when starvation hit. 

Changkyun, who benefited from homeschooling unlike the rest of them, accused Jooheon of trying to poison them the first time he offered them the blue liquid. The interrogated boy quickly disproved this accusation by drinking the elixir himself and grinning from ear to ear while declaring how good he felt and how the unusual potion actually healed them. Kihyun, who’s been in a lot of pain recently since his legs stopped working properly and who’s got a bit of a daredevil in him, immediately snatched his own drink and pushed the others forward to do the same. 

When Shownu enters the room, nodding briefly in Wonho’s direction as he goes to check on Jooheon, he’s still thinking of Hyungwon, of how they’ve basically broken up. Still wondering if the younger will show up at all now since their fight ended like that. Minhyuk arrives shortly after, looking thoroughly lost without his tall friend by his side. 

It is a known fact that whenever Hyungwon is around, the white haired boy turns into a hyperactive puppy and a literal ray of sunshine in their dark gray background. You could almost see the younger’s tail trailing down behind him in defeat as he sits in a corner next to Shownu and starts a discussion about the eldest’s grandfather. The image in front of him embitters Wonho to no end. 

Despite them loving the same person, Wonho never saw Minhyuk as a threat before, knowing his boyfriend didn’t (couldn’t) see the other in the same way he looked at his blond hyung. But honestly, he isn’t so sure of that anymore and every time Hyungwon pushed him away because of Minhyuk, another doubt stung his fragile heart. The loud boy is the very reason of their every fight, even the one from tonight, and for the first time since the X Clan was born, Wonho wishes to hurt one of his brothers just to make himself feel better. The vision of a heartbroken Minhyuk who just discovered what Hyungwon had hidden from him all this time, however, brings as much pain as satisfaction. 

Why couldn’t Minhyuk find somebody else to cling to? Why couldn’t he have fallen for Shownu or Jooheon or the other two? But Wonho knows the answer to these questions already, it’s the same reason he himself found a haven, a small paradise by the black haired’s side. It’s the quiet fire burning in those dark orbs, the chilling strength hiding in his silence, the deep love for his brothers running through his veins, his gentle peace-seeking soul. His striking beauty. 

Changkyun and Kihyun arrive suspiciously at the same time (again) and the youngest has his arm securely wrapped around his hyung’s waist, supposedly to help him walk without his crutches. Wonho wonders if these two think they’re subtle, but it’s reassuring to know somebody is going through the same struggles like he and Hyungwon do. The couple sits in a corner opposite from Minhyuk and Kihyun greets Wonho with as much cheerfulness as one can muster in their times, successfully making the older return to his senses. 

Now that he snapped out of his noxious line of thought, Wonho notices the weird look Minhyuk sends his way. Perhaps he saw the way the blacksmith was throwing daggers at his pale head earlier, but frankly, Wonho is done pretending and hiding his true self. He is a member of the X Clan, he loves Hyungwon to death, and right now he has a bone to pick with one Lee Minhyuk. And he’s not going to apologize for any of that. 

Jooheon suddenly stops grinding whatever plants he was adding along to the blue flowers concoction and looks up, staring at the entrance with a prophetic expectancy. Not even a minute later, Hyungwon hesitantly joins them in the greenhouse. His eyes immediately lock with Wonho’s, but the tall one quickly looks away and goes to take a familiar position next to Minhyuk who offers him a large grin in turn and snuggles closer to him. 

Nothing is going to ever change, the blond realizes as he looks around at his second family, the ugly dreadful feeling sinking into the pit of his stomach. Shownu, trying to act like their leader since he’s the oldest, asks the late guest about his whereabouts awkwardly, making everyone turn to Hyungwon expectantly. The boy does not disappoint, providing the Clan with vital data they could never get on their own from the outside, valuable information that is going to be very useful in their future attack. 

As soon as those plump pretty lips stop talking, Jooheon initiates their ritual by jutting forward the incensory with the herbal mix, fumes filling up the empty space between them while the strong smell of chrism slowly invades their senses. Fighting this is futile and by now Wonho learned to just surrender to its magic. He doesn’t understand the mechanics behind the sorcery, despite how many times Hyungwon told him it works as a hallucinogen of some sorts.

He learned to stop looking for answers and lets his mind and soul join his brothers’ into a single blue heart beating in unison. Feeling it for the first time had been such a life-changing experience, being connected to one another and to the whole universe. Feeling their purpose for greatness and salvation. Tasting the freedom they can never have under the Republic. It got all six of them addicted, asking Jooheon without a break to repeat the ritual over and over. The high of the moment always clears their mind enough to come up with flawless plans and lift their spirits up. Not without a price, though. 

The blue elixir gave a new life, it offered you rebirth in exchange for all you had to offer. The fumes make them vulnerable, exposed, open to the whole world, killing any inhibitions. It’s a spell cast upon them, binding them into a bubble of insubstantial safety. So Wonho is not surprised that only a few minutes after the rush kicked in he notices through half-lidded eyes how Changkyun and Kihyun rest their foreheads together, noses bumping as their lips barely miss each other. Rather, he’s surprised he can still see at all. Perhaps the mix tonight isn’t as strong, though the blond rebel can feel his whole body shaking, twitching, his skin ablaze. 

He feels possessed and his eyes incessantly search for his lover’s, the sight of Hyungwon dropping his head on Minhyuk’s chest, quietly listening to the white haired’s heartbeat sickening him to the core. It reminds him how just a few hours ago a soft head rested on his own chest as their heartbeats were in sync. And for the first time, Wonho despises being part of the Clan, swearing an oath to protect and defend, when all he wants is to smash Minhyuk’s skull with the incensory. But then Hyungwon’s lips seem to be moving again, while his orbs zero in on his blond hyung. 

‘ _I love you_ ’

The words make Wonho’s heart clench with sorrow, wishing more than anything to be the one holding the black haired like that. However, when he blinks again Hyungwon’s just staring numbly into his eyes, no sign of affection on his majestic features. This prompts the other to conclude that he’s been projecting and in truth, Hyungwon hasn’t said anything. His own heart is playing tricks on him, betraying his sense of reality much like the Republic is leading people on using them like puppets on strings. 

He takes a big sniff right from on top of the burning herbs, letting the delphinium flowers carry him on a cloud where he and Hyungwon were completely in love with each other, where they were safe and didn’t have to hide from others’ eyes. His vision is clouded by blue, an infinite blue almost transparent. The illusion blends in with the reality until he cannot tell them apart.

 

_***_

  

Today, Hyungwon skipped going to work with his father and joined the rest of the Clan members. Wonho kept throwing him worried glances, very much aware of the possible consequences such a harmless action may bring – he really doesn’t want to see yet another bruise on his beloved’s skin. Minhyuk seems to be just as worried as him, clinging even more to Hyungwon and not leaving him alone for even one second. 

The older rebel wonders sometimes if the white haired boy is aware of how he’s blocking the couple from having any moments when the Clan spends time together, wonders if they’ve been found out and Minhyuk made it his life goal to torment Wonho for stealing the Commander’s son. But the genuine happiness written all over his face when the younger of them three laughs at one of his jokes reassures Wonho that Minhyuk’s doing this solely out of the need to act on his feelings. He wants to get between them, to tell Minhyuk that Hyungwon belongs to him, to tell him that if he could control himself around his boyfriend then so should Minhyuk when his feelings aren’t even reciprocated. 

Reaching the drained well in the middle of what was once their town’s center, the clan splits up into two groups to go round on the streets, and unbiased Hyungwon chooses to go with Jooheon and Shownu, forcing the light haired boys to make peace. The tension between the older members is barely perceptible to the naked eye, but the three involved can feel its smothering air. Kihyun and Changkyun don’t comment anything on the awkward silence between Wonho and Minhyuk, acting as if they know nothing when they were actually monitoring their hyungs and preventing any bloodshed. 

Birds of a feather recognize their own pain in another, after all. The short boys share a wary look, listening to the others’ bickering. Both Changkyun and Kihyun emphasize with Minhyuk’s awful pining since they’ve been in that exact stage before realizing their feelings are mutual, but they also understand Wonho’s frustration that emerges from being forced into hiding your love from everybody else. There’s one thought running through the Clan’s mind.   _One day when the Republic falls, I can have all that I want_. 

While the four loud boys don’t come across any stray dogs, the other three soon run into troops harassing some elders who were just trying to sell their products in order to simply survive. But trade is strictly prohibited as it interfered with the Republic’s welfare and economy. While Shownu tries only to shield the poor people who remind him so much of his own grandfather, Jooheon is basically daring one of the officers to shoot him by grabbing his gun and raising it up to his head. But perhaps, the worst mistake is the most innocent one, Hyungwon putting a blue flower in a gun’s muzzle. The troops freeze on the spot, not believing their eyes are capable of seeing azure petals. “He’s the commander’s son,” one of them has to remind the rest before they’d do something regrettable. 

Shownu and Jooheon don’t mention anything about the incident when they reunite with the others, nor do they react in any way as Minhyuk attaches himself again to Hyungwon’s hip. Instead, they head towards their usual hanging spot under the bridge, whatever tension present before dissipating when Jooheon, Changkyun and Wonho start hitting the metal bins with sticks, building up some kind of rhythm. Kihyun hums a sweet melody to accompany them, which prompts Minhyuk to jump up and make up some sort of dance that makes everyone smile. They must have caused quite a lot of racket with their little concert that stops as soon as four mysterious figures enter the scene. 

“Chae Hyungwon!” the father’s harsh voice echoes through the passage, freezing blood in veins. Wonho clenches his fists, wanting to step up between his boyfriend and the man who’s been tormenting him since forever, he wants to tell that asshole exactly what he thinks about him. From the corner of his eye he can see Minhyuk hugging Hyungwon once again in a protective cage, but this time he’s not upset about it, rather thankful. The man steps closer to his son a heavy book with a white X in his hand. “This is what you’re wasting time with?” 

Hyungwon gets up trying to seem confident but Wonho notices the slight shake of his frame. “Father, I –” he attempts to explain himself but his words are cut off with a loud slap upside the head. It’s nothing the younger isn’t used to, the Clan knows that it’s even soft in comparison to the brutal beatings Hyungwon has endured in the past. 

But it still triggers them into a defensive mode – one for all and all for one, Changkyun said once claiming he read it in some forbidden book that escaped the fireplace. Even the wind seems to have died down as Wonho and Shownu stand up on instinct, but don’t get any closer to their friend when they notice the other guys attending to Hyungwon’s father reach for their own guns. 

“It is the last time this happens, do you understand me boy?” the Commander asks and doesn’t even wait for an answer before he drags Hyungwon away from the rest. Wonho watches the scene with a heavy heart, blurrily hearing Minhyuk calling out his boyfriend’s name as said black haired glances over his shoulder at the Clan. His eyes immediately lock with Wonho’s own dark orbs and their hearts share the same beat. _I love you_. 

Everything else but the two of them disappears, gets swollen up by the ground and, once again, they’re separated by the Republic and its hyenas. He knows what’s going to happen next. Hyungwon will suffer the consequences of his actions just like expected and it will take weeks again til they’ll be able to meet again. The Clan will have to postpone any strike against the black dogs until they have their seventh member by their side again. It will take a while, but things will return to how they are, eventually. 

Still, the blond can’t help but wonder why he feels like it’s the last time he’ll ever see Hyungwon again.

 

_***_

  

Minhyuk is accustomed to sneaking into the Chae mansion so it is no trouble for him to climb up Hyungwon’s window a few hours after running into the Commander. However, finding said window locked is certainly not good news. When he peeks inside the room, the hyper boy sees nothing besides utter mess and a fuzzy figure looking like Hyungwon wearing a white mask. He recognizes the mask immediately, it’s the one Jooheon gave them some time ago so their faces will be hidden when attacking the Republic’s buildings during their risky missions. 

Looking down at the ground for any black troops nearby, Minhyuk starts knocking on the window until Hyungwon gets up and opens it for him. “Go away, Minhyuk…” he mumbles, voice sleepy and tired and right about to crack. Minhyuk has the terrible feeling that Hyungwon is also right about to crack but he won’t allow it. He pushes past the tall boy into the quiet room, before reaching out to pull that ugly mask off the beautiful face. Hyungwon grips his wrist in the process to stop him, but Minhyuk’s got quick reflexes and manages to grab the edge of the white material. “Minhyuk, stop!” Hyungwon warns but, as per usual, the white haired boy doesn’t listen to him at all. 

The taller of the two looks away, avoiding the hurt and worried look in his friend’s eyes. He knows how bad his face looks, swollen and with a black eye to match the cut across his nose. His father made sure he won’t wish to leave the premises of their house for a long time as punishment for disobeying. “He did this?” Minhyuk asks, voice broken and anger barely staying put. Hyungwon refuses to respond to such an obvious question and doesn’t move as the other leans in closer, their faces just mere inches apart. He thinks of Wonho and what he said, his blank face full of rebuke appearing before his eyelids. 

 _The more you hide it from him, the worse it’ll end_. He’s not just hurting Minhyuk this way, he’s also hurting the one he loves the most. Wonho didn’t approach him since their fight yesterday, nor did he respond to his _I love you._ What could this all mean for them? It made Hyungwon restless, dark thoughts creeping up his mind and feeding off his every insecurity. Without his boyfriend and the Clan, he has nothing to live for. He knows for certain that if he loses both, he might as well take a dirt nap in a coffin. 

After a few more heavy seconds, Hyungwon decides to finally meet his friend’s gaze but the intensity he finds there frightens him. Wonho is right, he has to come clean to Minhyuk, he has to let him in on the secret he’s been hiding for so long. He owns the other this much for all the things he’s done over the years, he owns this to both. However, before he can even say something, Minhyuk pulls away completely and the next second he’s gone the way he came, leaving Hyungwon all alone with his thoughts. But it’s alright, Hyungwon thinks. He’ll tell Minhyuk next time they see each other. Although, the white mask thrown on the floor seems to shout in his face how he might not get a second chance.

 

_***_

 

The impulsive boy returns to their secret hideout at the greenhouse, which surprisingly isn’t desolated this time of the day. But he ignores the others, doesn’t even get a good look to notice who they are, and heads straight for their storage in search of a gasoline can. “Are we going through with it?” It’s Wonho’s voice, the hyung Minhyuk is most confused about. He has everyone figured out through and through, from the quiet Shownu to salty Kihyun and enigmatic Jooheon – okay, perhaps the last isn’t quite fully understood yet either. But Wonho is a strange case, one moment dotting on his dongsaengs, the other glaring Minhyuk down for nothing. He tried to find any reason for Wonho’s animosity towards himself but failed each time.

“Hyungwon’s hurt,” is the only thing he’s able to say. He lost his ability to speak, something he takes pride in usually, after seeing how bruised Hyungwon was. He takes a glance towards the room next-door, peeking through the glass at the blue flowers, inviting them with sweet smiles. Minhyuk groans in frustration when he can’t find what he came after, but when he glances at Wonho he notices the older holding a white tank in his hand. He doesn’t remember mentioning what he was searching for, nor did he see Wonho walking around the room to look for gas like he was doing, so perhaps they had the same plan all along. 

Without any further thoughts, the two walk out of the building into the reclusive outside where Changkyun is waiting for them, playing with the petals of a delphinium flower. “Shownu-hyung and Jooheon have some business in town, and Ki-hyung would disagree with whatever you two have in mind,” the youngest mumbles while glancing pointedly at what Wonho is carrying around. The blond looks at his unknowing rival and with a curt nod, all three of them head to the Government’s building where Hyungwon’s father works at. 

They’ve sneaked inside plenty of times once their little spy drew a map of the whole institution with Minhyuk’s help, but they’ve never out right barged in and destroyed everything. Half through on the way, Changkyun stops his hyungs and gives them their white masks from Jooheon, but Minhyuk refuses to wear his own. He wants Chae to see who exactly finally avenges his son’s suffering. Wonho doesn’t comment on it or on how the younger got the gasoline can he was carrying a few minutes ago. He’s positive Minhyuk won’t have the guts to set the fire anyway. 

His presumption is proven right when in the midst of breaking computers with valuable data and smashing windows that don’t carry a black X on them, Minhyuk forgets about his initial plan, abandoning the white container somewhere along the line. They’ve been very careless in their tracks, so unlike how the X Clan was known to operate. However, this matters not when the whole place will soon be turned to ashes. While the two younger are preoccupied with ripping apart everything that stands in their way, the blond grabs the gas can and runs off to bathe in the inflammatory substance anything from the supporting pillars of the building to the door of Chae’s desk. 

It doesn’t take long for the fire to rise up and swallow up the damned institution in flames, and the X Clan has front seats to watch perhaps their biggest achievement as of yet. There’s a trace of a small satisfied smirk on Minhyuk’s face that will probably bloom into his trademark grin once the news reaches Hyungwon’s ears. But Wonho can’t bring himself to be happy. Not because they’ve probably just killed innocent bystanders who were faulty only of being privileged and working for the Supreme Leader. He’s come to terms with the bone-crushing guilt after seeing the all the atrocities the Republic is responsible for. 

Rather, he can’t shake off the feeling that something is not right. Kihyun, barely standing on his feet without his crutches, joins them soon enough to watch the conflagration after thoroughly checking his friends to see they’re fine, and then scolding them for being so reckless and acting without consulting the others first. Wonho uses this opportunity to leave unnoticed, his feet hurriedly taking him to the Chae mansion. He doesn’t understand his own actions, but he knows he has to see Hyungwon right now. There are more troops than ever patrolling around the house, which is to be expected considering their Commander just died in an arson. 

But the rebel is skilled enough to avoid them all and follow the familiar route up to Hyungwon’s room which he finds empty. That’s strange, he was sure Minhyuk had spoken to him earlier in the day and considering the brief exchange with the elder Chae on the streets, Hyungwon was bound to be locked up in the house with no way out. He’s actually surprised the window was left untouched. Perhaps his boyfriend found a way to escape from here, but where could he go?

 

_***_

  

Hyungwon is never happy when his father returns home, however when he sees the other covered in black smoke and coughing uncontrollably, he’s more than just curious to find out what brought his father in this state. His curiosity is soon answered with a snarky reply. “Those fucking rats you spent time with. I knew they were traitors, but I never thought they’d be dumb to act on their irrational plans.” It’s all he says as Hyungwon’s mother helps clean up the grime off his face. 

The two Chae men don’t break eye contact even for one second, caught up in their own power game – Hyungwon won’t back down this time, his gaze scrutinizing the elder. “I know you helped them get inside somehow,” the other continues, wearing the same stern glare that’s only slightly deepened from his usual scolding face. “But perhaps I have to thank you for that. Now there are fewer apostates against the Republic.” 

The younger’s heart stops beating right in that moment. His father couldn’t be speaking the truth, the X Clan is alright, they’re too smart to be caught or get killed, they are _alright_. “You don’t believe me, boy.” The Commander notices from his son’s reaction, his voice strangled from all the inhaled smoke in his throat. Hyungwon doesn’t dare to breathe in fear of being met with this catastrophic reality. “You don’t have to, just watch this,” the father says while throwing a device in Hyungwon’s direction. 

It’s a simple display screen showing some supervision clip, probably taken off the camera system. With shaky fingers, the black haired boy plays the loaded video his father seems so eager to share. And there they are. Minhyuk with two masked figures that appear to be Changkyun and his dear Wonho, setting up the institution on literal fire without any precautions. Wonho looks up to the camera prompted in the corner of the room and slowly peels off the white material covering his face before flaming up a nearby desk. Then the video disconnects due to the smoke filling up the room. “My men have checked what is left of the office. Their carbonized corpses were found right there.” 

“You’re lying!” Hyungwon shouts, standing up to the elder for the first time in his life. Losing his ration to rage, the tall boy smashes the device in his hand against a wall, initially aiming for his father’s head. He cannot accept having his _real family_ taken away from him this easily. Not after all the sacrifices they’ve all made for the X Clan, for bringing peace in this hectic world. 

“I have no reason to lie. Now that you’ve seen what happens to traitors, you’ll be able to finally acknowledge that the Republic cannot be tarnished. It is the only thing holding the chaos at bay.” The prophetic tone of his father’s words makes Hyungwon sick to his stomach, being reminded all too much of the indoctrination they teach the younger generations through propaganda and idolizing their _Leader_. 

Before his parents or any guards can stop him, Hyungwon runs off through the main lobby, completely ignoring the shouts behind him. He’s never run this fast before, but the strange flickering light illuminating the otherwise dark sky of the night guides him towards the crime scene. Reaching the deserted area where the building is still burning to the ground, he pushes past the troops dragging out corpses of the victims and scatters through the ashes and flames himself. 

He finds them. He doesn’t want to believe it. But can he still deny this much evidence when all six of them are piled up in what once used to be his father’s office? In the end, it could be anyone else, the black forms are beyond recognition, barely resembling human beings. One of the black dogs tries to approach him, but Hyungwon sprints off before that happens, his long legs carrying him back to the X Clan’s base. There’s only one way to convince himself this is real. Even when they’re out on a mission, one member always stays around the greenhouse, especially Jooheon. 

But there’s nobody to welcome him and dismiss his fears. There’s no soul around the abandoned place, no matter how much Hyungwon searches for one. The dreadful reality finally sinks it. The X Clan is dead and he’s the sole survivor.

 

_***_

 

The Clan (or half of it at least, since Jooheon and Shownu were still God knows where) has been searching for Hyungwon for a couple of hours once the fire died down. Once Wonho returned in a hurry to announce them their friend is not home and went missing according to the Commander’s words. How that pig got out alive of the burning building doesn’t matter right now, not when the black troops are hunting them down and Hyungwon’s on top of the list for high treason. 

Despite all their efforts, Hyungwon seems to have been wiped off the face of the earth. Except that, he’s not. Instead, he’s right in front of Minhyuk’s eyes, lying motionless and cold in a bathtub filled with icy water, head dropped beneath the water and skin turned a frightening shade of blue. _He’s just napping_ , Minhyuk tells himself as he circles the tub. The greenhouse had been his last guess and seems like nobody thought of Hyungwon hiding in such a place either. 

 _He’s just napping,_ Minhyuk tells himself again with more conviction this time as he pulls out a vial filled with the blue elixir made by Jooheon. The strange member has given each of them one and warned them rigorously to never use them unless they were in a no way out situation. Minhyuk can’t think of a better description for the heartbreaking sight before him. He remembers the first thing Jooheon told them about the blue flowers: they healed wounds and offered a new life. 

The white haired completely forgets the part of the required sacrifice that ensures such an effect, rushing off to spill the magic elixir in the water before drinking the last drops himself. He joins Hyungwon for a nap then, not caring about getting his clothes wet or the low temperature as he sinks into the tub and spoons the other sleeping boy. _Hyungwon’s just napping,_ Minhyuk realizes when he feels the other’s hand squeezing his own.

**Author's Note:**

> I worked on this for the longest of times since it's one of my favorite ideas I've written so far (also, one of the heaviest in the angst department).  
> Did Minhyuk manage to revive Hyungwon or is it just another hallucination from the blue flowers? Find out in the next part.


End file.
